Meltdown

Have u ever felt just violated from somebody else's actions. That's how i feel today. At 7Am this morning I'm sitting out in my yard...my only little piece of heaven in this crowded city. I'm drinking my coffee with my husband and i look up to see a hole burned in my umbrella by another cigarette that has been tossed in my yard like it's there trash bin...and i had a total meltdown. It's the third one in two weeks. One burning a hole in the carpet i keep for the pets to lay on out in the yard. Another hitting the umbrella but, only leaving pin holes rolling across the top to land on the tiles below. But, this one burned holes across and than stayed on top and burned a bigger hole through.

So you might be thinking big deal it's only a umbrella? Yeah, it is only a umbrella but it's mine. How dare anybody dispose of there trash into my yard like I'm nothing but, gum that is stuck on there shoe. Somebody who doesn't deserve respect, cause, i live in a basement apartment. That is how u are looked at when u live on the bottom. The higher u go up the more u are looked at as being, better..richer...somebody...what ever stupid thing u want to think. I wouldn't give up my bottom apartment to live on top with no yard. It keeps me some what centered, sane, calm, even if i can still hear the noises of the traffic, my plants, the calmness of the setting is what keeps me going. I like sitting out there working on my jewelry, being creative.

My husband at first didn't understand what the big deal was...we could always buy a new umbrella. I explained that's not the POINT. You buy a new one and it doesn't matter they will still be throwing cigarettes in the yard. It's the disrespect of anybodies property that makes me angry. It's the life in a over crowed city were nobody follows the laws, cause nobody enforces the law. The riots, strikes, government stealing the peoples money, cheating that is the norm, and the not trusting is the worse. I've been here four yrs and i don't like who I've become. It's hard to believe and trust people anymore. I've become suspicious of anybody that says they will help u, i start to think what do they want. When has society become so immune to the mistrust, and turn there backs on kindness? It's the way of city life here. I know one day we will be out of here, to a more quite area, but, will i be able to believe, trust and think there is kindness without a motive?